Balance Required

I have been feeling better for the past six weeks...it is noticeable when it comes to resting, sleeping, talking on the phone, and helping out around the house and going for a drive. I am still dealing with a lot of symptoms, and find myself on the sofa for a few days at a time...but....cautiously I will make this statement: My energy envelope has increased around 15%-20% in the past 6 weeks.

What does this mean? Is it "real" energy or adrenaline? Is it due to my treatments? Is it one of those times throughout my many years of illness where for reasons unknown I feel better for awhile?

I have asked myself all these questions and in response I believe a few things have come together recently to give me these results~ the NAET treatments are working, the Lyme treatment has helped, AND Joel being home all the time has been a huge factor. I am praying this positive change is permanent, but......I also need to remember to manage the energy I have.

Lest I forget, Lyme and CFS/ME are unpredictable roommates. I was reminded of this today when I read one of Jody's articles on Ncubator. Jody has quite a story to share. She was bedridden and unable to function for a long period of time, but slowly she recovered enough to resume a full life. Unfortunately, after a period of good health, she has now been trying to recover from a crash that has lasted a month. Her words were like a splash of cold water on my face: "I am still vulnerable. I can still lose it all."

Once again I find myself in need of finding the right balance. I need to be positive about healing and yet be realistic about the need to be disciplined and careful with the precious energy I have. I confess that I have been disappointed so often on this journey to wellness that I am sometimes afraid to be too hopeful. I expect the crashes, and to fulfill the prophesy that "feeling better is dangerous". Joel reminded me today of what a negative statement that is, and he is right! What we say and what we believe has a powerful impact on our overall health.

In Popov's book, A Pace of Grace, she writes about speaking respectfully about our bodies. "One of the most powerful ways to create health is to purify the language we use about our bodies. Our words go deep. Our bodies "hear" every word we say. Our very cells respond to words of appreciation and love or to words of contempt and disappointment. "

So once again I am searching for the balance between acceptance and hope. Between reality and my dreams....between being humbled by our illnesses and being humiliated by them, as Jo commented to me recently. A statement with great impact by the way. Find the balance that works for you in the place you find yourself right now.

For me that means a lot of rest balanced with some activity ~ good food balanced with a few fun treats once in awhile ~ treatments with meds and NAET balanced with a few days off, positive thinking balanced with reality thinking, laughter with tears, isolation balanced with healthy relationships, and of course a lot of prayer!

There is hope for recovery, there is hope for healing. But let us remember that this is not a sprint...it is a marathon and the journey is as important as the destination!