Saturday's Scribbles

"Sunny day...taking the clouds away...on my way...to where the air is sweet...Can you tell me how to get...how to get to Sesam Street?!!"
This song came to mind today ~ the sun is shining, the temperature will be close to 50, and no rain is forecast. A sunny day is finally taking the clouds away.

Our children were all raised with Sesame Street, which is 40 years old now...created the first year our oldest was born. They watched the show, did exercises with Big Bird to records (now that dates me) we put on the stereo, and had a few of the stuffed animals to snuggle. Ahhhh, those were the days.

Another staple in our home was Mr Rogers. Our oldest son would come home from his half day of kindergarten, and take his lunch~ which most always included a bologna sandwich and milk~ and "wind down" watching Mr. Rogers.

Speaking of TV we are sure enjoying the new show, "Castle". A lot of humor in that one. Also, White Collar on USA channel along with Monk, which is down to one final episode coming up next week, and Dancing With The Stars just finished it's season with Donnie Osmond winning the coveted trophy! He is a great entertainer. Nighttime brings Joel and I to our comfy spots and vegging in front of the TV with no energy to do anything else. I consider the TV a blessing....most of the time.

Joel is getting out the "Christmas boxes" this weekend. The decorations are actually kept in red and green tubs, but we still call them boxes after so many years of cardboard storage. We will put up our tiny tree inside and hopefully next week get the one for the deck when Joel is feeling better. I enjoy the decorations, music, Advent Candles and devotions along with Christmas programs, and services that come with the season. You will not hear "Happy Holidays" coming from my mouth. I really dislike the shopping frenzies, but plan to shop online this year again as much as possible. We really buy very little compared to most, so it does not take very long. Right now I have a Kenny G Christmas CD playing~ enjoy his music along with Yo Yo Ma and many others.

How about those White House party crashers? I think what disturbed me the most is the report stating that President Obama has had 400 times the amount of death threats as other presidents. No matter how we all voted, this is sick and wrong. What is wrong with people!!! Truthfully, this is one of those times it is embarrassing to be from the USA. The violence, fear, and hate that is encouraged in the name of politics because we live in a "free country" is NOT acceptable.

One of our grandsons is soon going to be two, and with that age of testing boundaries and exploration he hears the word "no" from mom and dad once in awhile and uses the word in his limited vocabulary, too. Right now, when he gets the answer "yes" to something he wants to do or have he pumps his arm up in the air and hollers with glee. Makes us chuckle. Grandkids are God's reward for parenting!

We bought a wool rug a couple of months or more ago and have been "outgassing" it down in the family room. Last week it seems to be OK for me so we brought it up and put in in the living room. It was so nice to have the wool under our feet blocking out the cold from the ceramic tile floors. Three days later I was having a lot of air hunger and a steady sinus headache. The rug? I sure hoped not, but by day four I knew we had to take it back downstairs. The headache and lung issue subsided quickly after that...so we will wait.... and wait some more until I can tolerate our new wool rug. Another month..or two...whatever it takes. So it is in the world of MCS.

I am enjoying a coffeehouse mystery by Cleo Coyle. I always wait until the paperbacks come out so it is not so costly to purchase them. I hope when our new library is finished I can tolerate the smells they use to clean it and be able to check out library books once again. I also am reading Max Lucado's book, "Fearless". Good insights!

Until next time....

Turkey Day

Happy Thanksgiving

Joel and I enjoyed a lovely gluten-free, sugar-free, dairy limited Thanksgiving meal today. Fresh roasted turkey, squash, basmati brown rice and gravy filled our plates along with cranberries sweetened with stevia. Dessert was sweet potato pie topped with agave nectar sweetened organic whipping cream on top! Yes, it is possible to have a limited diet and still eat too much yummy food :-)

It has been an extra quiet day, as Joel has not felt well at all, napping 3 1/2 hrs and resting a lot besides. Old symptoms have returned in force but we are hoping they are short lived. I guess we are not only partners in lyme but partners in resting today too. It has been nice to visit with a few family members on the phone. In our "other life" we would always have a house full of company, so we miss family gatherings at this time of year most of all. There is something to be said, though, for a quiet celebration.

Whether you are celebrating Thanksgiving this day, or spending it in your usual routine, I want you to know that today I am very thankful for all of you who visit my blogs and bring the world into my living room. I am very blessed.

Partners In Lyme: Always a Learning Curve

Joel went back to work last week part time and it went pretty well. Energy is still very limited, so he is trying to pace and still get in a short morning and longer afternoon nap. He can be more active if he keeps these naps in place. He has decided to fore go starting the other two meds until after the new year begins due to all that goes on at church during Advent and Christmas. The KEY to his better level of health has been lowering the massive doses of abx he was taking. The weeks he is on Zithromax along with Cef are more challenging, but the symptoms are no longer making him extremely ill. He detoxes and supports his liver with a "daily infusion" drink with B complex, milk thistle, Castor oil packs, and an infrared sauna. (We have the inexpensive cloth one that looks like a jiffy pop container). For now he supplements with B12 shots, adrenal support, magnesium glycerate, omega 3, Vit D, iron, and lots of probiotics and herbs for yeast control. He maintains a gluten-free, sugar free, limited dairy diet. He still continues to lose weight slowly.

I am still in a crash, but no longer calling it a relapse. Even with the dive in my energy levels, I am still thinking (cautiously) that I am at a better level health wise. The meds I take daily are Zithromax and Mepron (the lovely yellow paint anti-malaria med). I have not started the Placqinel yet, and my body totally rejected the Doxycycline. I had taken it for over 2 yrs and I think my body said enough! I still struggle with exposures taking energy from me, and I must be careful what I eat. I can now take several supplements such as B6 complex, B12, magnesium glycerate, Vit. D, amino acids, Vit C, and CoQ 10. Trufiber and Truflora plus other probiotics and herbs have helped me manage intestinal yeast. I still need to take most everything with food, thus the added dilemma of weight gain. After a lot of research I decided to try taking folic acid to help with the ongoing yeast and bacterial infections. It is helping a lot! I don't know how but it is. To detox I take Ultra Clear and Adva-Clear daily and use Castor oil packs over the liver. I cannot tolerate the smells from the cloth sauna yet. Over all the "load" my body and liver carry have diminished and I can tolerate a few exposures better now. Dr. V said it would take an average of 7 yrs to recover a lot of my health with MCS and some of my reactions will never go away. Like the flu type symptoms I am having right now from mold exposure..... I still rest at least twice a day and am in bed by 10 every night. I use CDs to relax and meditate, and EFT. I try to add yoga stretches, breathing exercises, and affirmations. We both have NAET treatments as often as possible. Pacing and resting are vital.

Improvement in any way, shape, or form is to be celebrated so we are very happy about taking steps forward. It is a marathon and the "rules" are always changing, so being flexible and having a doctor who stays up to date on treatment changes is important. We continue to do the best we can. It is all we can ask of ourselves and those who are trying to keep ahead of such smart bacteria.

Saturday's Scribbles

The fog is heavy here today...so strange for November. Our temps will rise to the mid 50's for the weekend which will be good, because then Joel and I can get a bit more porch sitting in before the snows come.


Thanksgiving for Americans is only a few days away, and then Advent begins as we prepare for Christmas. Joel hopes to put up Christmas lights on the porch this weekend...well, actually that is what I want him to do! First we have to find them as we have not used them in a long time. We will put a tree up on the back deck to enjoy through the large window and patio doors. Can't have one inside the house due to my allergies to pine AND plastic! We do have an old 2 ft. plastic one we decorate for the living room. Maybe I will post a picture of it this year. I call it my "angel tree" as at one time only small angel decorations adorned it.


It has been a quiet week in some ways. This was Joel's first week back to work and even though it was only part time and he worked from home half of that....I really missed him! After 4 months of 24/7 it is hard for me to adjust to being alone again. I felt restless and out of sorts in fact. Sure glad he is only working part time for now so I can ease into spending my days with just the dog, Levi. His energy levels held up pretty good ~ we will see what comes when he is back on Zithromax.


I spent a lot of time resting, but still need more. My Lyme brain had the idea that if I had to lay, it would be a great opportunity to work on EFT. EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Techniques where a type of tapping that is like acupressure, is used on your body's meridians which helps open the subconscious to healing emotional events past and present that may block the energy from flowing freely through your body and cause physical problems. (phew) I have used it to get rid of a MCS headache, anxiety, sadness, my recent heart symptoms, etc. When I first was told about this and watched the videos I thought it was a bit too weird, and for almost a year ignored its value. But as I grew to trust my NAET practitioner and her knowledge about EFT, I realized this could be helpful for me. After prayer and determination, I have started practicing this a lot more. What I forgot is that it takes effort and stirs up emotions, and zaps my precious energy! As a result, my relapse continues on.....As usual it is hard for me to pace...


I am still seeing that even in a relapse it is not as bad as in previous years nor am I as weak. I don't trust it yet, but am cautiously hopeful?

I see Oprah is ending her talk show in 2011. I have watched her show since the beginning, and so have millions of others. Will be interesting to see what or rather who replaces her. Time moves on and things change! There is no denying the good she has done for others.


I used up my final gift card from last Christmas and ordered a few new books to enjoy. A couple of inspirational books by Max Lucado, a light coffeehouse mystery, a novel about the Mennonites, and a Christmas gift for Joel. The first 4 are being "outgassed" from new ink and paper smells so I can read them! I have a big Austin Air purifier that is on and we blow it at the books to ruffle the pages and air them out. Usually takes a week or so depending on how strong the smell is. Where there is a will there is a way!!!


Off to rest so I can do some porch sitting later today.
Until next time.......

Reflecting, Reviewing, Relapsing,Resigning, Restoring

This morning I took a bath. Simple. Easy. But today it took all my energy and I ended up flat with intense symptoms. I have not wanted to accept that I am once again in a relapse ~not after 3 months of better health...the new Renee was talking on the phone more, doing more things around the house, getting out more, just enjoying life! But here I am. Reflecting, reviewing, relapsing, resigning myself to it, and soon, hopefully very soon, choosing to believe my body will be restored once again.

The past year has brought with it many new health issues, some very challenging, some not. The abnormal EKG in January.......the cataracts and high eye pressure in April.....the H Pylori stomach bacteria in June....the vaginal yeast and bacteria infections in August....the boils in September.....a severe crash and now the heart symptoms from medication in November. The physical problems are just one part of the equation ~ we can add the death of my BIL who helped raise me in April, Joel's Lyme diagnosis in June, his poor health levels and eventual disability in July, our youngest child's escalation of mental health issues in August involving her three small children, and Joel's resignation from the church in November. Usually I am pretty good at getting back up after being knocked off my feet, but this week I don't have the strength to get back up. Emotionally, mentally and physically (literally) my heart is heavy and my body is weak.

I am in a relapse. Again.

When I am in a relapse I look back to reflect on what put me there. Thus the list above that gives me a general summary of the year's stresses. S T R E S S is the biggest factor for my low levels of heath again. Along with that is how I deal with stress....I can control some responses but I also know I cannot control other responses because my body is not well. Stress puts me into an adrenaline surge and if it is ongoing stress it is hard to move out of that. After a period of time it takes its toll physically and if I do not or am unable to heed the warning signs I end up on my sofa or in bed. Lest I forget, physical stress also affects my body...bacteria die off....pushing too hard....reactions to drugs.....

I felt so good in August, September, and part of October~ a door opened and I was able to taste freedom once again. Oh it tasted so sweet~~!!!!! I felt such joy to be able to function at 35%...I felt like Superwoman! And then an accumulation of stresses piled on.. partly due to my willingness to carry them around....and partly due to life being messy. Now I feel like a fragile butterfly barely able to move my wings. Superwoman is no where to be seen.

As a gentle observer I can look back and see what I could have done differently ~ but I can also see that there is really very little I have control over when Lyme attacks, CFS/ME rears its ugly head, and life throws us curve balls.

Now, what can I do to keep this relapse from eating up months of my precious life? How do I restore my body once again? Rest.....Yes, R E S T. Rest my mind, rest my body, rest my emotions. Do everything I can to keep stress away. Avoid people who take energy like a vampire sucking blood. Read inspirational material. Watch stress-free TV and listen to soothing music. Pray. REST .....REST......REST. Pray. Eat well. Make sure my supplements and abx are helping, not harming my body. NAET. EFT. Breathing exercises. Bedside yoga. REST. Do what I need to do while facing the reality of my circumstances. Example: My sweet sister Jan was coming to see me this week. It has been too long. But I don't have the energy to even visit....so I cancelled and she is coming next spring when her snowbird days are over again. Very difficult to do, but necessary......so I will REST.

Several of us are in crashes or relapses, or just coming out of them. It is a pattern with CFIDS/ME and Late stage Lyme too. It is not fair, but it is what it is. That is why for me I need to accept where I am as part of my journey. I need to give up resisting the relapse and bow down to it for now. What I resist persists. Donna Partow says, "This is the journey I am on because.....this is the journey I am on." So simple and yet so profound. How I live the life I have is up to me. I know I am blessed to still be here. And soon, maybe yet today...or tomorrow I will choose once again to not only see my life as it is....but as it can and will be.

Saturday's Scribbles

Good Morning! I cannot believe another Saturday is here already. Time goes by so quickly even from my sofa sanctuary.

It is a "blah" time of year in the Midwest when the trees are bare and the bright colors of summer have given way to dull browns and muted greens. When the sun is hidden under gray clouds everything looks even "blahhhher".. I think it helps prepare us for snow!!

Looking back over the past week, I am glad it is almost over.....What has happened in the past 5 days? Our long trip to the doctor and back....a family member's urgent need for heart tests resulting in a need for artery stints, a court hearing to place 3 precious children into foster care, and last but not least...Joel's resignation from the congregation he served for 3 yrs before becoming disabled from Lyme. Add to it my reactions to Zithromax and yeah, it has been a rough week and it has me flat on the sofa in a major crash. Joel has handled it all quite well, which tells me that he is stronger AND he deals with stress in healthier ways than I do. It affects him but not as quickly or has hard as it does me. Part of that "inside job" I speak about.

Back to Joel's resignation....We had discussed at great length the need for him to stop commuting due to his health and being gone so much from home. We knew something else would have to open up near us so he would not be jobless. Something did. A part time interim position in a small church near our city. Is he ready for part time work? We think so. He knows this congregation well, as the pastor who is leaving is a friend, they shared an intern for a year, and joined together for Christmas Eve barn services when Joel pastored a church here. When Joel interviewed for the position they said, "We know you and you know us, this is great! They know he is fighting Lyme and they are open to him working only 3 days a week, or even from home, etc. This is not a permanent job, but should last at least 6 mo. when we hope he will be ready for full time work again. It is a risk in some ways, but it feels right. Even though it feels right, we both have a great deal of sadness in leaving his other congregation. He will miss the people so much, and he does not feel like he accomplished his goals there. Lyme made that impossible. This also gives the church a chance to move forward and call a new pastor to their congregation.

I always wait until December to start my Christmas season. This year I am already listening to Christmas music and thinking about getting out the winter storage tub...filled with not Christmas decorations, but winter decorations..like snowmen, etc. Maybe it is all the commercials on TV or the trees for sale in local lots. Maybe it is because life is too short not to celebrate when we can!

One of our grandchildren turned 6 this week. She always makes us laugh with her chatty phone conversations. She used to call Joel, "Pastor Papa". After all he is a pastor...and a papa.....

We are fixing pork stew today in the slow cooker with apples, sweet potatoes, pork sirloin, celery, peas, carrots, and basil, garlic, and broth to give it more flavor. I started doing what I could yesterday ~ cutting up carrots, etc. a little at a time so as not to make me worse today.

I have been reading Shannon's blog, "Ticks and Trust" for quite awhile and today she wrote about a teen named Nicole who has Lyme...and Nicole wrote about her young friend Sara who also is fighting Lyme. Their journies are so difficult, it just breaks my heart to hear all they have gone through in their short years. So much needs to be done to wake up the medical community about Lyme Disease. Speaking of the medical community, Laurel at "Dreams At Stake" has posted alot of valuable information about CFS/ME and the conference held with the CDC. There are many videos you can watch that are informative and encouraging, including Laurel's own. Slowly but surely people with CFS/ME are being heard. Things are starting to change!!
*Both blogs are listed in my blogroll. So many good posts this week by so many bloggers.....check them out!

I am off to my sofa....re-reading A Pace of Grace by Popov, and Standing Firm by Donna Partow. When I am down, an inspirational book is the encouragement I need to lift me up.

Until next time.......

A Rough Night: I Need My Woolie!

Like Linus I need my blanket when times are tough. Today I am wrapping up in my Woolie and hunkering down to rest and contemplate what is going on within my body. It's not good.

A couple of weeks ago I noticed that a couple hours after taking Zithromax my heart pounds and skips beats. I also noticed that I get "air hunger" at the same time. There was one evening where my heart skipped beats for a few seconds and I broke out in a sweat....worrisome..... but with Lyme Disease these kind of symptoms are not unusual. Since I already have what my LLMD calls "Lyme Heart", I went off Zithro and Mepron for a few days and went back on this past Tuesday...taking only 250mg of Zithro with the Mepron. Last night I was laying in bed trying to sleep, and my heart started pounding and skipping beats, my body started shaking hard, and I had "air hunger". My pulse was 76. Not a big deal, although my normal pulse is 60 so this was "high" for me. Things settled down and I was able to sleep after a couple hours of laying quiet, doing EFT, and trying not to worry. Today I am having less intense symptoms but they are still there.

So, how much of this is an "inside job"? We have had three major stresses this week and a trip to the doctor so I know my adrenaline is surging. How much is from the medication? How much is die off? I do muscle testing to find out reactions to meds, foods, and other things. Sounds strange, but it works. Our bodies are made up of energy after all and everything and everyone affects this energy. Seems it is from the Zithromax but the stresses have added to it. My body needs the Zithro if the heart can handle it. I won't rely just on muscle testing of course, but will call my LLMD on Monday if things stay the same or get worse. Today I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.....so I will be kind to myself, put on my pjs, wrap up in my Woolie (wool comforter) and pamper myself!

Partners in Lyme: Forward......March!

Monday was a full day. A short stop in my hometown, a visit to our NAET practitioner and appointments with our LLMD had us leaving home at 8am and returning at 7pm with around 5 hrs spent in the car. Joel needed to nap half way there and again before we headed back home. He could hardly function after we saw the doctor so we went to a park where he could sleep in the van before we headed out. I left yesterday morning optimistic that I would be starting the herbal protocol and confess that I came home really ticked off as I am now going to be taking 4 meds instead of 0! Herbs have been put on hold for at least 4 more months...This was NOT part of my plan. Joel also came home with more meds and a clinical diagnosis of Babesia. He and I "share" Lyme, Bartonella, and Babesia...I alone had Ehrlichica, but Doxycycline took care of that one. Due to my knees hurting again and a couple of other Lyme symptoms returning, I am going back on Doxy. And along with the Mepron and Zithromax, I am going to attempt to take a second antimalarial medication, which also is a cyst buster ~ Plaquenil. Joel is taking Cef, Mepron, Zithromax, and Plaquenil. With the Plaquenil, your peripheral vision needs to be checked every few months as it can be damaged. (not cool) More meds, more debt, more herxing.....We are feeling more than a little challenged by this, but are willing to try because we trust our doctor AND we want to get better! If the Plaquenil does not work for us, there is an herb used called Artemisia.

Our LLMD goes to several Lyme conferences every year, including the ILADS. She is always looking for new research and ways to help her patients fight Lyme. At the last conference research showed that with 14 different strains of Babesia, taking two antimalarial meds at the same time gives people a greater chance of killing it all off. So....that is why we will attempt this. She also learned that pulsing medication 1 month on and 1 month off is helpful for some with late stage lyme...I will be doing that with the Doxy. Dr. V also gave me new supplements to increase the absorption of probiotics and kill off the yeast and bacterial infection I already have. TruFiber and TruFlora taken together. FYI, she also said that putting boric acid in a size 00 vegetarian capsule and inserting it will kill off yeast and bacteria too. Because she herself deals with MCS and has many patients who do, she always seems to search out ways to take care of problems without putting MCS people at risk.

The good news is that Dr. V saw more improvements in my exam and also some improvement in Joel's neurological symptoms. Yahoo! She agrees that he cannot take the full doses and should "do what works best for his body". It's great that our LLMD has our best interests at heart.


Now, back to my attitude: I know this race is a marathon and not a sprint, and I know that antibiotics are helpful and for us necessary ....for now.... and that herbs are in my future......soon....and so is better health.....but I still want this to be over...like yesterday! Ahhhh, but don't we all.

I am working on shifting my anger or fiesty attitude as my mom would have said, into something productive, so I'm putting my focus back on to the positives we heard Monday: Joel has improved...I have improved.....We are now strong enough to take more meds and our insurance covers most of them......we have a great LLMD who LISTENS to us and trusts our judgements.......we have a wonderful NAET practitioner who is helping us on this journey....we have each other....we have our family and friends.....we are STILL here to enjoy the day! We have much to be thankful for ~ even medication that looks like yellow paint and Lyme bills "up the wazoo..."!

Forward....March. I am moving forward and looking ahead to March and going off abx and taking herbs. Forward........march.....into the battle to kill Lyme and its buddies. Forward......march into a better attitude. Forward....march!

Saturday's Scribbles

Good Saturday Morning!

The sun is shining and the warm temperatures (up to 65 today) have us opening windows to get some fresh air into the house. We would call this an "Indian Summer" day. I did look up information on where this term came from~ it has been around since the 1800's and one theory is that after the first hard frost, when the weather would warm up again, the Native American Indians would hunt game to prepare for winter. There were other theories, but I am going with this one.


Joel is outside putzing already this morning. He has been making an outside vent cover for the microwave exhaust fan. He enjoys doing "projects". He has felt a bit better this week, and we are anticipating a change in his status when we see the LLMD on Monday. This is partly due to cutting down on the dose of Zithromax, but the change in him is worth it. Hope the Dr. agrees. He is much more active, and feeling well enough to be frustrated by his limitations! That's a good sign.


I am still fighting a yeast infection, but a NAET treatment for the bacterial part of this problem worked! I am hopeful. I am doing more research on the herbal protocol now. I am so ready to get off the abx but scared to do so? I guess I can always go back on if things go down hill.


We bought a new bed several weeks ago and I still cannot go near it. It isn't for me to use, but it makes me feel ill and still smells from what I gather is the flame retardant. Nasty. Even with a barrier cloth mattress cover, I am thinking it will be months before we can have it in a bedroom. Ahhh the joys of MCS. If you need information on MCS one good place to go is The Canary Report, whose site is listed on the right side of my blog screen.


This weeks news has been horrid. I find myself angry and stunned by all of the violence in our country. I don't begin to understand what makes someone pick up a gun and kill people. Don't get me wrong, I am all for defending ourselves, and my hubby spent 8 yrs in the military (although he chose the Air Force to avoid carrying a weapon). In fact, in 1984 our family went through a traumatic experience with a mentally unstable member of our congregation. Joel was pastoring a church in central MN at the time. We received a phone call from the police late one night telling us that this man has shot up his in-laws house and told them he was on his way to kill the pastor. We immediately woke up the kids and put all 5 of our children on the floor of our bedroom. Joel took his rifle and stood by the front door to keep an eye on our road to the parsonage which sat on 3 acres with the church near the edge of town. He would have used his gun if he had needed to defend our family. Thankfully, the 4 police cars arrived before the man did. We were escorted out of town until the man was arrested. The man's feelings for my husband never did completely resolve and our lives there were quite stressful while we lived there. It affected our family greatly, and made us realize we would do anything we needed to do to protect our family....but I am off topic now! I feel so sad for the families of those who were killed. God be with them all.

I just got off the phone with a dear friend from Ontario. We "found" each other through a newsletter I wrote for the chronically ill. I had sent one to my old friend and college roommate and she knew M. was also sick with CFS and thought she might like to receive it ~ so that is how we"met". I believe we were brought together by God. Thanks to her and her husband who insisted I be tested for Lyme, I was finally correctly diagnosed. She had CFS for 20 yrs that turned out to be a result of untreated Lyme too...just like me....Small world.. I really hope some day to meet and visit with her in person! Off to rest with a smile on my face for the sunshine, warm weather, and a long overdue visit with a friend.
Until next time.........

Self-Forgiveness

I have been re-reading "A Pace of Grace" by Linda Popov this week and the chapter on forgiveness spoke to me at just the right time...actually the topic of self-forgiveness was just what I needed to hear. My inner critic had been marching around in my brain with a megaphone, reminding me loudly of all my failures and mistakes. She especially likes to remind me of my less than perfect skills at being a mother. Popov's insights on self-forgiveness really spoke to me, and hopefully will for some of you, too. Let me share a few:

"Forgiving ourselves means we stop punishing ourselves or feeling hopeless for something we did. We move ahead, ready to do things differently, with compassion for ourselves and faith that we can change."

"We cannot change the past or undo the actions we deeply regret, but we can make amends in the present by changing what we do now. Instead of making excuses, we can make amends. Instead of shaming ourselves when we make a mistake, we can take responsibility to clean it up. We can call ourselves to humility, not humiliation."

Popov spoke about not focusing on our faults, but on the "virtues" in our lives. She writes, " When we focus on our virtues, we no longer feel like a victim of our own deficiencies." This is exactly how I had been feeling...helpless with the things about myself I still want to change and frustrated like the Apostle Paul who said, "I do the things I do not want to do." I was being held captive by my own deficiencies because my focus was on them, and not on the virtues I do have.

There are many areas of my life where Popov's thoughts would apply~ relationships, managing my CFS and Lyme, my eating habits, etc. etc. I found her insights on forgiveness to have so many Teachable Moments, to use her words. I end this post with her words: Self-forgiveness heals.

And anything we can do to help our healing process move forward is a good thing!